To men who knock MeToo and Time’sUp

I suppose one should not be surprised that there are some negative reactions to MeToo and Time’sUp by some men, and even a few women. Allow me to address the men who are reacting to this movement in a negative manner:

The pendulum is swinging. And it’s about time. For centuries men have killed, raped, assaulted, negated and/or ignored women–in social and business situations.

Women are now standing up and comparing stories (MeToo) and saying that it is time for change (Time’sUp). If you disagree with that stance, feel free. You are, after all, entitled to your opinion.

But may I suggest you take a look in a mirror as you voice your ‘woe is me’ disagreements…. What you will see staring back at you is a insecure, feeble-minded, emotionally stunted man, one who may even be a rather despicable person.

Are you really okay with men killing, raping, assaulting and negating women?

Look at how many men have treated women for far too long. Is this how you want to see your mother, sister, partner treated? Are you really that shallow and insecure in your skin? Do you actually oppose women who are saying that enough is enough?

If so, I suggest your stance says way more about your stunted emotional immaturity than it does about the stance women are taking.

My reaction is this: Women, what took you so long? How did you, why did you, put up with this for so long?

Men, I don’t think you would put up with being treated the way many men have  consistently treated women for a week, let alone centuries.

So the pendulum is finally swinging. And yes, there are times the swing may make men feel uncomfortable. So be it. After centuries of oppression, you can’t handle a bit of discomfort?

Men, you have a choice: support the women who are leading this movement, or get out of the way. Or oppose it, if you wish, and demonstrate just how narrow-minded and insecure you are. The choice is yours! But before you choose, look deeply at yourself in the mirror. Ask yourself what kind of a man you’d like to be… If the answer is that you would like to be a strong, brave, mature person, you will then know on what side of the issue to stand.


Me Too… Time’s Up… and why I’ve not posted since…

Several people have asked me why I have not posted in The Honorable Men blog since the Me Too and Time’s Up movements began. The answer is simple.

When I started this blog, there wasn’t much beyond academic papers and, I suspect, conversations between some women, about what assholes men could be…

I am more than happy to report that that is no longer the case!

I applaud women for speaking up, and speaking out loud and proud. Not that they need my applause. Women have my full support and don’t need my voice.

But I would like to say this to men: “Men, stand in support of  women. And if you were a jerk, a dishonorable man,  in your life…

  • acknowledge you behavior
  • apologize for it
  • and change.”

In short, become honorable men, or get out of the way. Because the times they are a (finally, at long last) changing! And I for one am happy to sit back and quietly support that change.



All I want for Xmas is change

All I want for Xmas is change.

Simply stated, I want racist, homophobic, misogynistic men to change their attitude.

I want them to look in the mirror and see who they really are, to see whom they hurt, and change their way of thinking and being.

What a wonderful Xmas, and wonderful world, it would be if this Xmas wish could come true.

Applauding two Emmy winners

I don’t want this post to be considered in any way a put down of two Emmy winners — Big Little Lies and The Handmaid’s Tale. I liked BLL and loved THT, both the books and TV series, and think they were more than deserving of their Emmy nominations and victories.

What I find interesting is that both shows dealt with repression and abuse of women by, guess who? Straight, white men. And I don’t blame them for doing so in one bit because, sadly, repression and abuse of women by SWM is one of the major stories women have to tell.

I for one look forward to the day when it isn’t. When women can tell other stories. Stories of victory and power and success. I am not saying they can’t tell such stories today. I am saying when oppression and abuse is your primary story line, that is what you would tend to tell stories about.

How long did it take the story in the book and movie Hidden Figures to be told? So it’s not like women do not have such stories to tell. But it takes extraordinary circumstances for women to participate fully in various aspects of life. And then when they do, their stories tend to be swept under the carpet…

….The war is over. You women can go back to child rearing, cooking and cleaning….

So congratulations to Big Little Lies and The Handmaid’s Tale for their Emmy nominations and wins. May we see many more stories by women with a strong female cast. Such shows sure beat the hell out of watching men kill and blow shit up! The Brits often do it so well, great female-centric stories with strong women at the core. Engaging and entertaining viewing. And of course recently their was Wonder Woman, so maybe their is hope yet for the American entertainment market, and perhaps that will slowly influence the kind of society we are — a far more fair and equitable one.

Now that would be a story worth living!

Sad little lives without the joy found in the embrace of others

I am so angry. Angry at my kind, and myself. Angry that my kind are such jerks, idiots and assholes. Angry that it has take me so long to wake up to the injustice in this world perpetrated by my kind.

I have worked hard to become a successful freelance writer and business writing trainer. I feel I have earned every bit of my success through my hard work. But do you know what I have never had to work hard to do? I have not had to work hard, not had to work at all, to overcome… My gender. My race. My sexual orientation.

And do you know who makes race, gender and sexual orientation an issue? Straight white men. At least in western society. There are countries where one would have to replace white, but keep the straight and men.

When I think of women who have succeeded, people of colour who have done well, members of the LGBQT who have achieved… I think of the roadblocks and barriers they have had to overcome, as a group and as individuals. It’s a bit of a cliché, I know, but they have had to work twice as hard to achieve half as much… Yes, things have gotten better over time, but what a struggle! What a battle! And I dare say, it’s not over.

What I want to know is who proclaimed SWM king?

I am not saying that every SWM has political or economic power. I am saying it is SWM who have the power, and cling to it tenaciously. Look at the civil rights movement in the USA. Who oppressed African Americans? Look at the women’s movement? Who oppressed women? Look at the fight for equal rights for gays and lesbians. Who were the oppressors? Look at the battles these groups, and the QT community, fight today. Who are the oppressors?

I can say with a relatively clear conscious that I am probably one of the least oppressive SWM going, but it took me a long time to realize just how oppressive a group SWM were, and are. Even if you are a SWM who holds little or no political or economic power, there is a good chance you hold domestic power. Or that you are the one who abuses women, children and even other men. You are the one marching in right wing neo-Nazi rallies in the US, and even in Canada.

All I can do is ask, ‘Why?’ What do you get out of it? What do you get out of alienating and oppressing two thirds of your world? What do you achieve though mindless hate?

And even if, like me, you were not an oppressor, how can you not see what is going on? How can you remain silent in the face of … Of what? Absurdity? For that is what the need to rule is. Absurd.

Guess what? You are flesh and blood. Guess what? You are going to die. Do you really want your legacy to be, “He oppressed, abused, shut out others and proved himself to be a real jerk”? Because that is what you are… And for what?

SWM, you have a choice. Love and be loved. Share and reap the benefits of community. Or continue to try to hold on to what you perceive as power and… gain nothing.

How you should be, how you should want to be, seems clear to me. Either that or I am just a defective SWM. Well guess what? I’ll take my defects over your absurd existence any day.

Women, people of colour, members of the LGBQT community, don’t let us get in your way. The fact is, we don’t have what you want. What we have is shallow and transient. So don’t envy us. If we won’t let you in, find your way without us. We don’t have what you need. We are just petty, shallow, ignorant beings. Do not envy or emulate us, because we’ve made a mess of it! Be who you are. Laugh at our absurdity. I suspect that, more than anything else, will really piss off SWM. What? You don’t want what we hold dear?

And if there is something we deserve, it is to be pissed off — to be shown our thirst for power and dominance cannot buy us happiness and is something that is not envied. Instead, it leads to sad little lives.

And above all else, I suspect that is what makes me the angriest: though exclusion and oppression, SWM have chosen to live sad little lives without the joy that can be found in the embrace of others. Absurd. Beyond absurd.

As a SWM I am denouncing…

As a SWM I am denouncing anyone who is racist, homophobic, sexist, or who engages in physical or emotional oppression of any kind.

In particular, I am denouncing all SWMs who are racist, homophobic, sexist or who engage in physical or emotional oppression.

Why in particular? You have the power, and you are abusing it.

I am asking such people to look in the mirror. What do you see? Someone composed of flesh and bones. Some who bleeds if cut. Someone who breathes, eats, sleeps and I suspect craves loves and affection. Someone just like the people you oppress.

Do you really want to be loathed and hated? What do you gain when you make others hate and fear you?

I suggest that such people imagine themselves living in a country populated only by others of the same mindset… I am going to suggest that you will miss us, those who think and behave differently. I am suggesting that your utopia will only last maybe a week before it descends into a dystopia as you find ways to divide your population and oppress others of the same ilk.

I am asking you to dig deep and change your loathsome ways. I think you will be pleasantly surprised by how it makes you feel, about how much more rewarding your lives will become when you learn to celebrate and embrace the differences that should unite, not divide us. Live and let live. Love and be loved.

The alternative makes no sense whatsoever. None at all.

Been a while since I’ve written about honorable men

It’s been a while since I’ve written about honorable, or dishonorable, men. There are two reasons for this. First off, I have MS and it is having an impact on my getting off my ass and writing. You can read more about it here.

More importantly, and sadly, this blog is supposed to be a call for men to act honorably towards women, children and other men. It was going to do that by pointing out dishonorable acts and calling for change… Sadly, it is overwhelming and disheartening how frequently men commit dishonorable acts. There is no freakin’ end in sight! I’d have to blog daily, hell, several times a day, to cite all the dishonorable acts men commit.

Yes, there are honorable men out there. But the crimes men commit against women, children and other men is seemingly endless. I have yet to read something that explains why this happens. Is it nature or nurture, or a bit of both? Whatever it is, I don’t see anyone with any authority truly taking steps to put an end to abuse — emotional, physical, sexual…

Oh there are penalties for committing crimes. But that is like closing the barn door after that horses have escaped. I see no real preventative actions being taken. It is almost as if we, as a society, are complicit in the dishonorable acts committed by men.

Until governments of all stripes start to take action, education would be a good place to start, I suspect there will be no end to the onslaught. With that in mind, on behalf of my gender I apologies for the ongoing abuse. I really don’t know what else to say, other than to tell men that they are really messing up their lives and the lives of others by their actions…

I am not so naive as to expect everybody in the world to live in perfect harmony, but the current state of disharmony is overwhelming and I feel that more men, and women, should speak out about just how unacceptable it is, and call for honorable change.